Being a parent to an adult-child is distinct from raising a younger child. The needs of a grown child are different, and as the years pass, the dynamic between parent and child naturally evolves.
If the bond with your adult-child isn’t as strong as you’d like, don’t feel discouraged. Family therapists have shared valuable insights on how parents can foster a more positive and supportive relationship with their grown kids. Here are the key strategies.
1. Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice
When an adult-child shares a challenge with you, it might seem like an opportunity to offer guidance. However, it’s essential to recognize that they might simply want someone to listen. The best approach is to ask, “Are you looking for advice, or do you just need someone to talk to?” Listening attentively and only offering advice when requested can strengthen the connection between you.
It’s important to respect their autonomy. You were once the one making all the decisions, but as your child matures, their role shifts, and your role changes as well. Instead of directing them, offer your thoughts when they invite them, showing respect for their ability to make their own decisions.
2. Show Confidence in Their Abilities
Supporting a grown child doesn’t mean stepping in to fix their problems. Viewing yourself as a sounding board, rather than a rescuer, helps build mutual respect. Remember that your child is capable of handling difficult situations, and sometimes, they simply need someone who understands their challenges.
Instead of focusing on the problem, help your child process their feelings and arrive at their own solutions. Acknowledge their strength, both in the past and present, which reinforces their belief in their abilities and fosters a stronger, more supportive relationship.
3. Focus on Repair, Not Blame
Blame can damage relationships, and pointing fingers only leads to more frustration. Instead, focus on repairing the bond. Apologizing for any hurt caused and committing to positive changes is far more productive. Understand that a child’s grievances don’t equate to blaming you as a parent. Moving forward with a mindset of improvement fosters a healthier dynamic.
If necessary, seeking the help of a therapist can provide guidance on managing the emotional complexities of the relationship.
4. Conduct Regular Relationship Check-Ins
Assuming that no news is good news can be a mistake. A regular check-in on the state of your relationship can prevent misunderstandings and reinforce your commitment to growth. Ask questions like, “How does our relationship feel to you?” and “Do you feel supported?”
A relationship check-in is an opportunity to understand your child’s needs and adjust your approach to ensure a mutually beneficial connection. This kind of proactive engagement signals a genuine desire to strengthen the bond.
5. Respect Their Feelings
When a grown child opens up about their experiences, it’s crucial to respond with empathy. Avoid dismissing their feelings or telling them how to think or feel. Even if you disagree with their perspective, listen attentively and validate their emotions. Offering a listening ear without rushing to solve the issue can create a safe space for open communication.
Focus on the emotions behind the words, rather than debating the details. Sometimes, simply being present and showing you’re listening is the best way to support them.
6. Support Boundaries
As children grow, they may establish boundaries regarding personal topics or physical space. Rather than resisting these boundaries, parents should respect them, as they reflect the child’s need for healthy, respectful interactions. Boundaries help maintain trust and ensure that the relationship continues to evolve in a positive direction.
By acknowledging and respecting these limits, parents demonstrate an understanding of their child’s need for space and autonomy, which can lead to a stronger and more balanced relationship.
